But deep down we feel fraudulent and empty inside because we are disconnected from the person who we really are: that part of us that contains all of our feelings including our fear and vulnerability. ![]() So we mask this discomfort by becoming the captain of the football team, dominating others, being bullish, loud and perhaps even cruel. In fact, we may be so cut off from our feelings we don’t even know that they’re there at all and we feel ill-at-ease without ever know exactly knowing why. ![]() This may have led to the development of what psychologists call a “false self.” The false self is a mask to protect us from hard-to-admit feelings that are shameful, unmanly and difficult to process. How many of us heard “real boys don’t cry” from our parents as we grew up, not just once but many times over? It’s like an instruction to cut that part of ourselves off.įor some of us who grew up in this kind of culture, we found that our fear, sadness and vulnerable feelings were not acknowledged…or even allowed. We affirm so-called “masculine” traits for boys over those seen as “feminine,” such as all the different ways that a person can display sensitivity. Then we play and act with that child accordingly. ‘Is it a boy or a girl?’ is often the first question out of our mouths. ![]() So many boys grow up in families where both their assertiveness and desire for power are praised, meanwhile the same traits discouraged for girls. In fact, it’s not hard to explain why men more than women are more likely to be narcissistic. According to the researcher Emily Grijalva, assistant professor of organization and human resources at the University at Buffalo School of Management, “Narcissism is associated with various interpersonal dysfunctions, including an inability to maintain healthy long-term relationships, unethical behavior and aggression.” In other words, our narcissism could be a sign that something is deeply wrong both in our relationship with ourselves and therefore our relationship with the world.
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